I headed out this morning before eight to get four miles in. I was little stiff from yesterday's Lake Union Loop. I'm making an effort get some strength back since I have a 10K in two weeks. On the the way home I ran into a woman I dated briefly four-plus years ago, the one who set me on my current celibate path of burdened bachelorhood. She set me on the path because she was not only insane, or borderline insane, but I also contracted an infection from her. I had to take a serious time out and analyze why I was always getting into relationships with women that made me miserable, plain and simple.
The interaction itself this morning was pleasant. I told her she looked good, and that I appreciated what she was trying to tell me back when we spent time together (basically, that I shouldn't get involved with her). We caught up a little on what her daughters were doing, where she was working, where I was working, etc. She suggested that we should get together for dinner some time. I said sure (thinking, absolutely not). She said, "Give me a hug." I complied, touching her cheek with the sweaty, stubbly cheek of my own. And, with that complete, I was off down the street.
I was authentically without ressentiment. Previously, maybe a couple years ago, I imagined that if I ever ran into her I would say, "You know, that filthy snatch of yours really fucked me up." But in the end, I felt almost nothing seeing her again.
One crystal clear message I received from my time with her was that the only thing people want from you is that you be strong. This is a pillar of nihilism, as mentioned in Nihilism #3: Strength is all there is.
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